Life Unscripted

Struggles

2009-08-26T22:34:00.003-04:00

Lately I am feeling very defeated in several regards. The job hunt hasn't turned any golden pages for me, and I'm feeling a bit lonely just being here all the time without much to do. I really want to have a job I can rely somewhat on, at least one that pays on time and doesn't treat me like a pile of dog poo. Still, no regrets on leaving the worst three years of my life known as my job at Sonny's. I took a risk, and so far I've made it. I'm still breathing, still eating, still have a place to lay my head.
With that being said, I know that God's providing for me. The problem is, I just don't feel joy or peace, and its killing me spiritually. Sitting here on my butt hoping for the right opportunity isn't cutting it. I work because it gives me peace and a chance to get out of my house, and I like serving people and making their day bright. I miss the regular customers over at Sonny's, and I still see a few of them ocassionally, which they all tell me it isn't the same over there or that they miss me taking their orders. I miss the opportunity of learning new skills and the challenge of work. I fell in love with cooking after my run at Sonny's and it helped boost up my food IQ. I miss the inside jokes of a tight knit crew, and making my coworkers spit out their drinks with a good laugh (believe me, I did that all the time to one of my coworkers.. haha!), and I miss getting that paycheck every other week.
On top of that, Kevin's wanting to switch churches, and I just don't feel like going anymore. I get weary of change and saying goodbye and starting over. We love Grace Assembly, don't get me wrong, but Kevin's been visiting another church where he feels God is leading, and I personally don't feel the same. Yet I don't have a car... yeah I know I know.. but right now I just feel all the roadblocks coming up and every ounce of me is telling me to resist change and starting over, because after so many shifts in life, I'm getting weary of all of this "traveling". I feel like I have screwed up too greatly in my own right not taking advantage of my previous jobs and my finances to get myself off the ground. I really want to be liberated from all of this mess I've got myself tangled up in, first from losing my social security card and letting my license expire and then letting my account close, so now I'm not sure where to start. I know that I don't want to be the idiot failure anymore. I need to liberate myself from all this that is keeping me away from what I need and what I want. I also need someone who will be an "ass kicker". Oh my gosh. Kim just said that word. I don't mean it in a rude sense, I mean it in an accountability sense, someone who isn't family but a really really good friend that will be strength to my weakness, nag me until I get things right, knows how to get me through my struggles, and encourages me every step of the way.
Hopefully if soon I shall land a job, then I will take the right steps for once. I'm worried that I will continue to lose my mind over my paycheck and make stupid decisions again.

Graduation Info for September 5, Online.. All welcome

2009-08-26T22:25:00.003-04:00

So, everyone! I have survived my Associates Degree with only a few scrapes and rug burns! Come cheer me on during my graduation! You don't have to waste gas money, get dressed, or even walk out the door!

Graduates, Friends and Family...

Please join American InterContinental University Online
in its celebration of our upcoming graduates.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Your Graduation Ceremony will be available ANYTIME AFTER 8:00 AM CDT and viewable for one year from this date.
Please note that this does not mean you must attend at
8:00 AM CDT, only that this time will be your earliest
opportunity to view your Graduation Ceremony.

Please forward this email to guests which
you would like to include in your great day.

Commencement Speaker
Marion Luna Brem

Chat Receptions
Please join us for a Reception and Live Chat on
Saturday, September 05, 2009 at 11:00 AM CDT.
This will be an opportunity for you to chat with
classmates and AIU Online Faculty and Staff.
The live chat will be available for 30 minutes.

You will also have a chance, while participating in the Live Chat,
to have a Private Chat Reception with family and friends.

Instructions to Attend:
Students need to go to the web address below and enter both
your Virtual Campus user name and your Virtual Campus
password. Your Ceremony will be available ANYTIME
AFTER 8:00 AM CDT and available via archive for one year.

Guests will go to the web address below and type in their first
and last name; then the guest password: aaba920095

http://graduation.aiuonline.edu?xqgW9GuzNuggemditJh7MEjJFB1ig60LCqh+m2uO9rk1
(Or copy and paste the URL into the address bar.)

For all Attendees:
If not already installed, upon entering the ceremony you will be asked to

install a Flash program that is required to successfully view the graduation.

When a Beautiful Game Turns Ugly, Turn Head Away.

2009-08-26T22:02:00.003-04:00

As many of you know, I am an avid supporter of the Beautiful Game, or soccer, or football, whatever you like to call it. I sing songs, chant for my team, wear my colors, hold up my scarf and I get caught up in the passion of the game. There is nothing in the world quite like English football. Hearing the chants in the stadiums, the fans singing in unison gives me chills and thrills, and a rush of excitement. What I don't like, however, is the racism and violence involved in the game. I cannot call a fan who charges the field, yells out racial slurs, or picks fights a real fan. A fan of the team and of the game is one who respects the grounds and the players. The scene at Upton Park during the West Ham/ Millwall match was nothing short of abysmal and disturbing. Fans inside stormed the pitch and tore the seats out of the stands. Fans outside threw bottles, fought each other, and taunted the police. One man even was stabbed in the chaos as the police found themselves nearly unable to stop the madness. These people ruin the sport for many, and events such as the Hillsborough Disaster in the 80s leave a black eye on the game and the reputation of English football. England has many fantastic clubs and a brilliant national team, and some great fans, and they deserve to be in the international spotlight, playing in the World Cup, and their clubs in the prestigious UEFA Champions League, but the hooliganism must be rid of from the game before consequences like the English ban following the Hillsborough tragedy happens again.
I hope to never see this plague of bad fanship enter the USA. I believe that soccer/football has a bright future in this country and I want to see the MLS clubs and the US national team to soar to new heights. With players like Ljunberg and Beckham and Donovan in the MLS; the roaring support of DC United, Seattle Sounders, and other fans; ESPN picking up Premier League and Spanish Premiera matches; the exhibitions with world class teams; and the rising success of the USA Mens National Team, perhaps one day the world will look to us, and more Americans will find the game as beautiful as I do, despite certain groups of fans trying to destroy the game.

The Improvisor

2009-08-25T10:31:00.001-04:00

I've always been one to improvise. I've let the winds of life carry me in whatever direction it blows me, as if I were a feather. Sometimes it is a cool breeze, an easy stream of events and situations; and others like a hurricane gale wind, pushing me too far in emotions and failures. But such is life for all I believe. We're all actors in the play called life, but it is improvised. We make decisions on the spot, we plan things, but we're never certain of what outcomes our decisions will bring.
I am 27 years old now, and still never quite sure. I have struggled with direction all of my life. My earliest memories included wanting to be a teacher or a singer. Neither dream made it through. I began to feel sorry for teachers after seeing the abuses of fellow classmates, and also knew I couldn't carry a tune, so both dreams were gone. I fell in love with sports in junior high and wanted to be a professional women's basketball player. I had the heart for it; problem was that my athletic ability was very far off. I couldn't even run a quarter of a mile without stopping to catch my breath. Then I wanted to be a lawyer. I then realized I couldn't even pay attention for five minutes, so I would very much be useless in a courtroom.
There has always been one constant though; and that is The Artist. I could paint scenes with words, pencils, pens, or other creative means. I would often write my feelings down on paper or draw them, and even when I wasn't thinking about something, I would create random logos or drawings, and so finally the decision has come.. I'm going in to design. When I finish, I will probably look for a good writing school also and increase this strength. My dreams right now is to right and design either a science fiction novel or television show. I guess it started when some mates of mine decided to play a role playing game where we created our own characters from scratch, and give them a story. (If you can't tell, I am a self-proclaimed Geek and proud!) I went a little overboard with my character, and wrote nearly an 80 page notebook full of a story for him.
Years later, I found myself buying notebooks after notebooks. Story after story, poem after poem, sketch after sketch, I knew that I was in love with the pen and paper. I began to put these things on to the web, and received some rather good feedback, so perhaps the pen is my destiny. I want to write all sorts of things: science fiction, testimony, my faith, encouragement, football chants, whatever comes to mind. My pen and my keyboard helps me to document this improvisation called life, where every day brings something new, whether it be experiences or ideas.
Everyone has their own unique story. You may think yours is not interesting or boring, but enjoy your uniqueness, and everything from the mundane to the exciting. Live every day to the full and enjoy it, because you never know what to expect in the future. You're on an adventure everyday, so make the most of it!